True Thoughts
by Frozen Midnight
Summary: When Shuichi's bored some strange ideas pop into his head...will Yuki survive this time? YS R&R Please
1. What Would Yuki Do?

  
  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything relating to Gravitation and I do not claim ownership to any of the characters in this story. I am simply a tremendous fan of the show and I wanted to write a fanfic. Please don't hold that against me.   
  
**A/N:** Well here's yet another fic by me...you all wanted me to keep writing fanfics for Gravi so that's exactly what I'll do. Enjoy!   
  


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**_True Thoughts: What Would Yuki Do?_**

  
  
I'm bored. No, that doesn't describe it well enough. I'm so bored I'd be willing to bet my voice that there are rocks that are having more fun than me at this moment. Oh, I'm sorry, I haven't introduced myself yet have I? I'm the famous singer of Bad Luck, Shindou Shuichi (just Shuichi will do though) and I'm currently sitting on my lover's couch staring at the ceiling.   
  
My beloved Yuki went out to meet with his editor about his newest story. Normally when he goes out I sneak into his study to read his stories, unfortunately I can't do that today. It seems Yuki's caught on to my curious nature because not only did he make all his files hidden but he locks the door of his study when he leaves the house.   
  
I'll bet he thinks I'm just doing it to annoy him. That's all I seem to ever do, annoy Yuki. I don't do it intentionally mind you, I just want to learn more about him. Is it wrong to want to know everything you can about the person you love? Yuki seems to think so. He keeps all his most personal things under lock and key and never wants me near them. He's probably scared I'll ruin them.   
  
Yuki doesn't think very highly of me. He calls me a stupid brat and says that I have no talent and thinks I live to annoy him. Everything I do seems to get on his nerves and nothing I do is ever good enough. He yells at me and degrates me and I take it all in, it's probably the only thing I'll ever hear from him and it's better than nothing.   
  
You're probably wondering why I'm around if he does such awful things to me and my answer is that I love my Yuki and he needs me. When I first barged into his apartment the whole place was grey and silent, the very air seemed sad. Now, however, things are different. My things are scattered all over the place and nothing I own is grey or silent. Everything's brightly colored and loud with me around and as much as it annoys him, I think Yuki needs that.   
  
Now that I think about it, I wonder what would happen if I pretended to be like Yuki, cold and silent. I wonder what my love would do if I traded in my bright and loud things for dismal silent things. Well, I guess there's only one way to find out...I'll be needing some supplies. Yuki, when you get home you're going to be in for a big surprise.   
  


**_~Tsudzuku minna-chan!~_**

  
  


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Well...what do you think? This is going to be another muli-chapter fic and so far I'm pretty sure that this will be the only chapter in first person POV. Anyways, I hope you all liked it and I hope I'll be getting some reviews soon. Ja ne ^-^.   
  


_~Frozen Midnight~_

  
  



	2. Strange Changes

  
  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything relating to Gravitation and I do not claim ownership to any of the characters in this story. I am simply a tremendous fan of the show and I wanted to write a fanfic. Please don't hold that against me.   
  
**A/N:** I was struck by sudden inspiration and couldn't help but start writing the second chapter after just finishing the first. I hope you all enjoy.   
  


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**_True Thoughts: Strange Changes_**

  
  
When Yuki returned home from his meeting he immediately realized something was different and began trying to decide exactly what had changed in the hour and a half he had been gone. His kitchen was still there and had no visible scorch marks in it, his living room was immaculate without any stains or magazines on the floor. His study door was still locked and he knew Shuichi couldn't pick locks, his room was in perfect order. Suddenly it hit him, his apartment was in perfect condition dispite Shuichi being left alone in it for over and hour. Soon after that discovery came another, everything in the apartment was a dark color and everything was silent.   
  
These realizations had Yuki Eiri in a state of complete and utter shock, he didn't know whether to be extreamly happy or extreamly annoyed. Just what was that brat up to? He heard the bathroom door open and headed towards it, determined to find out what Shuichi was up to. The sight that greeted him nearly caused him to faint. Standing in the doorway of the bathroom was a black haired, brown eyed boy who had the same hairstyle and build as Shuichi.   
  
"Yuki, are you alright?" The imposter even had the same voice as Shuichi.   
  
"I'm fine. Who the hell are you and why are you in _my_ apartment?" Yuki asked, extreamly annoyed by this boy's similarities to Shuichi.   
  
"Yuki, it's me, Shuichi." Shuichi stated cautiously. He knew he'd shock Yuki with his new look but he hadn't expected Yuki to not recognize him.   
  
"You can't be Shuichi. Shuichi has pink hair and purple eyes." Yuki stated, still incredibly irritated.   
  
"Oh, I decided not to dye my hair this week and I took out my purple contacts." Shuichi explained calmly. (See A/N at the end of the chapter for an explaination.)   
  
"Hair dye? Contacts? It figures, only an idiot like you would dye their hair pink and wear purple contacts." Yuki said coldly, not wanting to admit that he was extreamly disappointed by Shuichi's color changes. "Now, what did you do to my apartment?"   
  
"What do you mean? I didn't do anything to your apartment." Shuichi stated in mock confusion.   
  
"You did something, I know you did. Something's different about this place and I wanna know what it is!"   
  
"Oh, I just got rid of some of my stuff, it was too bright here. I prefer dark colors and quiet things too but because I'm a musician people expect me to be loud, hyper, and bright so they always buy me things that are like that too. It's really annoying." Shuichi said matter-of-factly as he made his way to the living room. Once there he sat down on the couch, turned on the T.V. and started watching the news.   
  
Yuki simply stood in the hallway staring. These new revelations had him completely and utterly stunned. He suddenly realized how little he knew about the vocalist. He had always asumed Shuichi was exactly the way he appeared to be, apparently that wasn't the case. A cold dread crept through Yuki's body, what if the Shuichi he had just begun to fall in love with was only an illusion?   
  
"Yuki, want to watch the news with me? There's a really interesting segment on that new virus everyone's been getting." Shuichi said enthusiastically.   
  
Yuki groaned, this was definately not the Shuichi he had gotten to know. "Baka, what makes you think I'd want to watch the news? I'm going to try to get some work done." With that Yuki retreated into his study.   
  
Shuichi waited till the door had shut behind Yuki before turning off the T.V. and curled up on the couch looking absolutely miserable. He had hoped that by returning Yuki to his grey silence that the writer would either crack and admit he cared about and needed Shuichi or be happy that Shuichi was more like him. If anything, Yuki seemed more annoyed than he ever had been before.   
  
"No matter what I do or change I'll never be good enough for you Yuki, will I?" Shuichi whispered to himself as two stray tears trickled down his cheeks. He'd give Yuki two more days to show how he felt. If Yuki didn't give him a sign by then, Shuichi didn't even want to think about what might happen.   
  


**_~Tsudzuku minna-chan!~_**

  
  


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Well, how was it? Good, bad, absolutely horrible? Well I hope it wasn't that bad. Sorry if it's short...I'll try to make the next chapter longer. In explination of Shuichi's hair and eye color...he doesn't really dye it every week and he doesn't wear contacts...it's all part of his master plan. Anyways, I hope you're enjoying the story. Ja ne.   
  


_~Frozen Midnight~_

  
  



	3. Clearing Vision

  
  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything relating to Gravitation and I do not claim ownership to any of the characters in this story. I am simply a tremendous fan of the show and I wanted to write a fanfic. Please don't hold that against me.   
  
**A/N:** Here's the third chapter...I'm still not sure how many chapters this story will have yet so I hope you'll bear with me till I can give you a definate. Oh yeah and thanks for all the reviews. Anyways...enough of my talking...enjoy chapter three. ^_^   
  


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**_True Thoughts: Clearing Vision_**

  
  
Yuki sat at his desk thinking. He had told Shuichi he was going to attempt to get some work done but he hadn't even thought about turning on his laptop. Truth be told, the famous Yuki Eiri was still in shock. No, it was more than shock, Yuki Eiri was afraid. He didn't like this new Shuichi at all. Those brown eyes and that dark hair just didn't look right on Shuichi, dispite the fact that most people in Japan had dark hair and eyes.   
  
This line of thinking brought him to wonder why Shuichi had decided to change back to looking like other asian people. It wasn't like the Shuichi he knew to want to be just like everyone else, then again, maybe that Shuichi was just an illusion. 'An illusion I desperately wanted to be reality.' Yuki thought sadly. He had never realized how boring and dull his life had been before the annoying vocalist of Bad Luck and charged, full-throttle, into his life. 'It's hard to miss something you've never known to exsist.' Yuki thought, his thoughts seemed to get more and more depressing.   
  
Yuki had grown up in a strict family and then had his childhood violently ripped away from him by someone he had cared too deeply about. It was hard to be bright and cheerful when your hands were stained with blood and your mind filled with dark memories. Shuichi had probably grown up in a warm, loving home, far away from sick minded pedophiles, hardship wasn't something ingrained into his life for years.   
  
'That's it! This whole thing is dredging up too many damned memories...I'm going to get to the bottom of this right now!' Yuki thought determinedly. He then left his study to go in search of his lover. He found said lover asleep on the couch, clutching his blanket in his fist like an infant sometimes does. Gently he shook the sleeping singer awake.   
  
"Yuki? What's going on?" Shuichi asked sleepily.   
  
"Get up baka, we need to talk." Yuki said before standing up and heading into the kitchen to get a beer, an action that made him miss the sad look in Shuichi's eyes at once again being called stupid.   
  
"I'm tired, we can talk in the morning." Shuichi said emotionlessly as he once again curled up to go back to sleep. He needed Yuki to see how it felt, just once, to be treated like you didn't matter.   
  
Yuki nearly spit out his beer when he heard Shuichi's statement. This wasn't right, he normally couldn't shut the baka up and not it was Shuichi who didn't want to talk. After a few minutes Yuki had himself under enough control to retaliate, he had to make sure Shuichi didn't think he was winning whatever it was the vocalist was trying to win. "You should have told me sooner than wanting to talk would get you to shut up...I would have tried it a lot sooner."   
  
Shuichi turned so he was facing the back of the couch, he didn't want Yuki to see the tears forming in his eyes. "I know Yuki." he said quietly as he drifted miserably back to sleep.   
  
Yuki stood in the kitchen staring at the huddled mass on his couch. Something was definately not right and he was going to get to the bottom of it one way or another. Resigning himself to the fact that Shuichi had fallen back to sleep, he went back to his own room. Before going to sleep however, he came up with a plan. Tomorrow morning he would call Hiro and demand some answers as to why Shuichi was being weird, then, when Shuichi got home, he'd interrogate the little brat until everything was revealed.   
  
"Yuki Eiri, you are a genius." Yuki said to himself before he too drifted off to sleep.   
  


**_~Tsudzuku minna-chan!~_**

  
  


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Yeah, I know...another incredibly short chapter. I'm sorry they're all so short. Anyways, I hope you liked this chapter and I hope you'll all review it. My many thanks to the people who have already reviewed, especially to the people who reviewed but didn't leave an e-mail address, since I couldn't thank them in a response. I'll try to get chapter four up as soon as possible.   
  


_~Frozen Midnight~_

  
  



	4. Emotionless

  
  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything relating to Gravitation and I do not claim ownership to any of the characters in this story. I am simply a tremendous fan of the show and I wanted to write a fanfic. Please don't hold that against me.   
  
**A/N:** Well, here's chapter number four. I still haven't decided how many chapters there will be in this story but I'm pretty sure there won't be many of them. Anyways, enjoy this chapter.   
  


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**_True Thoughts: Emotionless_**

  
  
Yuki was mad. No, he wasn't mad, he was absolutely furious. He had just finished his conversation with Shuichi's best friend, Nakano Hiroshi, and was not pleased with the results. He had called the red haired guitarist early this morning, knowing he'd be home. Shuichi had whined for hours over the weekend about how he'd be the only one going to work today, to add his voice to Bad Luck's latest album.   
  
It had taken about five minutes for Hiro to answer the phone, then, after Yuki had calmly explained the situation, he simply said, "Maybe, if you actually paid attention to him for once, you'd be able to figure out what's wrong with Shuichi. Now, if you don't mind, I'm tired and I'm going back to bed." Then the line went dead and Yuki was left in an extreamly bad mood.   
  
Now Yuki had only one choice left, he had to come right out and ask Shuichi what was going on. Unfortunately that required the writer to take an entire day off of working in order to figure out how to ask Shuichi what was wrong with him without seeming concerned or even curious, emotion would be very bad. Yuki had discovered long ago that any little semblance of emotion would only encourage Shuichi, and that was a very bad thing.   
  
For the next four hours, Yuki Eiri sat on his couch and thought of ways to get Shuichi to reveal his secret problem. At around 2:00 in the afternoon, an idea came to him. He'd wait until Shuichi did something stupid and then ask what the hell was wrong with him and then Shuichi would apologize and ramble on about how he was upset about K trying to shoot him or being overworked or something small and insignificant like that. Shuichi had a tendency to let small things bother him too much.   
  
Had Yuki been in any way like Shuichi he probably would have been engulfed in the flames of determination (much like Shuichi was when he was determined to prove that Sakuma Ryuichi was, in fact, his god), however, Yuki was not that much like Shuichi and so he settled for chugging down the rest of his beer and sitting on the couch to await his lover's return. No point in going back to work, he had a plan to execute.   
  
Shuichi got home about two hours later, a bag of groceries tucked under one of his arms. He had gotten up this morning to find that there was nothing to eat in Yuki's apartment and, wanting to avoid his "talk" with Yuki as long as possible, had decided to make a stop by the store. As he set the bag down on the counter he failed to notice Yuki sitting on the couch, though the writer was watching him intensely.   
  
Yuki's chance came while Shuichi was finished unpacking the groceries. The vocalist was trying to get a glass of grape juice when the bottle slipped from his hands and juice was spilled all over Yuki's favorite white shirt.   
  
Yuki didn't really have to fake anger, his rehearsed and well planned line came out without any effort, "What the hell's wrong with you, Shuichi?"   
  
Shuichi stared at the blonde for a moment then answered the question in an empty voice, "I don't know."   
  
Yuki's anger was gone in a second, Shuichi's voice had never been so devoid of emotion before. "What do you mean you don't know?"   
  
"I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm always making you angry and messing things up. At first I thought that you hated me because I was too loud and too hyper so I changed everything about me, from my hair and eyes to my attitude, but you still aren't happy. So what is it Yuki, what's wrong with me?" Shuichi asked quietly. His eyes were focused on Yuki even as his mind got ready to take in the full list of problems Yuki was about to read off.   
  
However, that list had only one word on it and Yuki spoke it without hesitation, "Nothing."   
  
"What?" Shuichi asked, utterly confused by Yuki's one word answer.   
  
"I said 'nothing.' There is nothing wrong with you Shuichi, there never has been. It's me who has the problems. Anyone who could inflict so much pain on someone like you Shuichi has very serious problems."   
  
"But Yuki, I'm stupid and clumsy and loud and obnoxious and who knows what else. You've always said I was those things about me. I tried so hard to fix them, really I did, but I'm just so tired Yuki. I'm tired of trying to change. I love you Yuki, I always will, but I can't change who I am. I've tried and tried and I just can't. I'm sorry Yuki, I'm so very sorry."   
  
Yuki stared at the crying vocalist in front of him. Shuichi had changed a lot more than anyone had probably ever realized, and all of it had happened right under Yuki's nose and he hadn't even noticed. Looking into Shuichi's false brown eyes Yuki realized something else, Shuichi had a look of sad determination in his eyes and the writer realized it was now or never. This was his chance and he knew he'd regret it if he allowed it to pass him by.   
  
"Shuichi, don't be sorry, it's not your fault. If I wasn't such a cold bastard I would have told you this a long time ago. I need you, Shuichi. You're light and I'm dark, you're noise and I'm silence, you're color and I'm blank. We're opposites and without one the other can't exsist. When I felt like killing myself, you reminded me of life, and this is how I repaid you. The way I've treated you Shuichi is not how you treat someone you love." Yuki said cautiously. He wasn't used to expressing his emotions, he just hoped Shuichi would understand what he meant.   
  
"Someone you love?" Shuichi said, his voice filled with awe. He understood full well what Yuki was trying to say.   
  
At Yuki's small nod the vocalist launched into the writer's arms, but before long he pulled away and looked up into Yuki's golden eyes, "Say it, Yuki. Even if it's the only time you ever say it for the rest of eternity it'll be enough...just this once."   
  
Yuki smirked, "Only if you promise to get rid of those ugly contacts and rinse that dye out of your hair."   
  
"Fine fine, I promise...say it."   
  
Yuki smiled and pulled the vocalist closer, "Fine, I love you, Shuichi. There I said it...now go turn back into my pink-haired, purple-eyed brat, I kinda miss him."   
  
Shuichi smiled happily and gave Yuki a tight hug before prancing off to return his hair and eyes to their natural color.   
  


**_~Owari?~_**

  
  


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Well, I guess this ended up being the last chapter. Unless of course you guys want one more, cause I think I could handle one more. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this story and I hope you'll all review. Ja ne. ^-^   
  


_~Frozen Midnight~_

  
  



	5. Nostalgia

  
  
**Disclaimer:** I do not own anything relating to Gravitation and I do not claim ownership to any of the characters in this story. I am simply a tremendous fan of the show and I wanted to write a fanfic. Please don't hold that against me.   
  
**A/N:** This chapter is definately the last one. I wrote it for two reasons #1, people asked for another chapter and #2 i was extreamly bored during my philosophy class today...so...this chapter is the result of those two components. I hope you enjoy it.   
  


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**_True Thoughts: Nostalgia_**

  
  
Shuichi sat back from his place in front of the window. He had aimlessly been watching the snow fall for almost an hour. Winter was Eiri's favorite time of year and had been since Shuichi had met him. Shuichi, on the other hand, hated winter. All except for Christmas that is. Watching the snow had reminded Shuichi of the time he had changed himself to try and gain Eiri's affection. With his mind clouded with the memory, the vocalist failed to notice Eiri walk up behind him.   
  
"What are you thinking about, Shu-chan?" Eiri asked quietly.   
  
"I was thinking about the time I almost gave up on us." Shuichi answered. The vocalist watched Eiri's reflection in the glass, waiting for the writer's reaction.   
  
Shuichi didn't have to wait long. As Eiri remembered the time in question, an involuntary shudder ran up his spine. He hated the image of his Shu-chan with that ugly brown hair and those fake brown eyes. "Why were you thinking about that?" The writer asked as he tried to erase the creepy memory from his mind.   
  
"The snow reminded me of how cold I was feeling when I came up with that idea. We were both wearing thin Eiri-chan, if I hadn't told you flat out what was bothering me you never would have known and we might never have gotten married at all."   
  
"Stop talking like that Shu-chan, even if you had left that day I think we still would have ended up where we are right now."   
  
"How do you know that, Eiri-chan? I thought you didn't believe in fate." Shuichi stated.   
  
"I don't believe in fate, I believe in gravitation."   
  


**_~Owari~_**

  
  


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Well, that's the last chapter. Sorry, I know it's even shorter than the others but I figured that that was the best place to end it. Anyone who doesn't get why I started calling Yuki "Eiri" and "Eiri-chan" and why Shuichi suddenly became "Shu-chan" it has to do with Proposal of a New Beginning and Starting Again. If you read those two fics you'll understand. Ja ne.   
  


_~Frozen Midnight~_

  
  



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